I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
