I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
