You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
