Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
