Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
