I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
