you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
