so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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