He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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