How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
