explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
