I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
