Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
