I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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