I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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