Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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