So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
