Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
