Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
