I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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