Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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