Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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