it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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