apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
