Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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