Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
