Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
