I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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