What did we do last night that was yellow?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
