She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
