i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
