This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
