Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
