my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
