the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
