There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
