In the future we'll all be gay
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
