You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
