I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
