I just cut my nipple shaving
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
