one two three fourrrrnication!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
