I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
