if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
