ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
