It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
