Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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