You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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