That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
