You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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