3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
