her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
