Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
