im drinking this country out of the recession.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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